New plan is to go back to the old plan

So not trying to work is actually much worse than working and being frustrated about not having enough time work. While working still is a waste of time at least it does not feel like a waste of time most of the time.

I finally figured out the magic word that I am not. Fulfilled. The little lobotomy stirring I get each day from childcare is just not fulfilling.

At least when the kids where younger I could occupy my brain with predicting future events so that they would not get hurt. Now that they are older I still play that game, but they almost always out of arms-reach now and there is nothing I can do about it except watch the prediction come true and that's kinda disturbing.

I guess this is why other people play Sudoku or crosswords. Too bad I hate that shit because I see it for what it is.

So the new plan is to go back to old plan. I'll work when I can and I'll try to not get frustrated when I don't have enough time to do shit.